The Facts About Smoking

Yesterday I really wanted to go biking but I couldn't because there is snow everywhere. I tried to think of something to kill time with until I had to work but couldn't think of anything so I pretty much did nothing. Today I bought a usb. Then on my way back I drove 5 Km/ph above the speed limit. I like to think that one day people will have gliding cars and be able to go airborne and what not. While I was waiting at a stoplight the radio said something about Japanese Banana and The Chipmunks. I assumed they meant the band. Most people don't know that the Japanese word for banana is banana. What a weird coincidence. One day I hope to steal the door of every house in Japan. They wouldn't know what happened. Then the next day they wouldn't know what happened. Then the day after that I would replace the doors again but not with the right house. It would be pretty funny. I thought I'd include a picture of the Japanes Banana Tree because it's pretty relevant.

Will The Future Ever Come?

How many people have longed for the day where they would be traveling at light speed in space ship to far away planets. But the truth of the matter is that the Aztecs already foretold our doom. In exactly 4 years ago this planet should have died by fire or explosions. Most people conclude nuclear bombs how ever the sun going super nova sounds alot cooler. Since we're way over due on our doom now would be a good time to party. I mean who wants to die holding a book and drinking water in their bed.

Things You Can Do To People When They're Not Looking

In today's modern society thing's have gotten pretty dull. Back in my uncle's day a kid could go down to a local general store, pick himself up a high powered rifle and a bag of gun powder and use the rifle to blow up the gun powder. Today you can't even say bomb at the airport without being thrown out the door.

To make life in the 21st centuary a little more interesting I've prepared a list of things you can do to people when they aren't looking. I've also include information on what these things will acomplish.

A Swift Kick to the Back of One's Head

Location: The beuty of this is you can pretty much do it anywhere, it is highly recommended though that you practice kicking first or your kick may end up unseccesful and you might as well be kicking yourself in the crotch.

What this acomplishes: Most people, for some God knows why reason, do not like being physically abused. They often desire revenge against the abuser and most often results a fight. Fights are rarely boring to watch unless it's between to obese people who can't actually hurt each other. Bear in mind that you will probably want to kick people who are either weaker then you, extremly over-confident (and weaker), or a foreigner (most of which are generally weak due to malnutrition) Note. When I say foreigner I mean the people who come from 3rd word countries. Don't go around kicking German's or Dutch or other countries where they are fed decent meals. France is ok though, kick french people. Their Snooty. If you have this strong desire to kick someone who is stronger then you make sure you have a patsy to blame it on.

Leaving a Crate of Lit Fireworks Next to Someone

Location: This, like the kicking, can be done anywhere how ever certain conditions improve results. This is best done on Chinese New Years because there are usually a lot of Chinese people out celebrating and most of them are shoot off fireworks so it's impossible to trace it back to you. Doing this on another day however will probably scare the victim more because they won't already be deaf from the other fireworks.

What this accomplishes: Load bangs and explosions at close range are statistically proven to cause discomfort. Also this is pretty comical to watch as all the fireworks start shooting out of the box randomly and generally run into everything within a 6 foot radius. If your lucky the fireworks won't shoot out randomly but instead all ignite a one creating a large fireball that is guaranteed to cause 3rd degree burns and engulf near by pedestrians in flames.

Releasing Gary Suter from the Local Zoo

Location: Unfortunatly unlike the privious two, this can only be done in area's where a Suter is nearby. On the plus side though, Suter is likely to cause more damage then a kick to the back of the head with a shoe made of fire works.

What this accomplishes: In general not a whole lot. You might earn the respect of Animal rights activists such as Peta and Alf but nobody really wants that. Thoses guys want to be ruled by animals so praise from them should actually be taken as insults. Below I have include a picture a member of Alf stealing some dogs. Most likely because he's an ass.

Wow. It's like Counter Strike and Nintendogs a rolled into one.

Gary Suter

For those of you who are interested in hockey you may have heard of Gary Suter. I was waiting for my friend to finish changing after his hockey game at a local arena. Hockey arena's, especially interesting and while waiting I noticed one of those Hockey Card Machines. I had a quarter on me so I decided to buy a few (You get two for a quarter). Anyway's one of my cards I got was of Gary Suter. You can tell from his cards that he's not a very photogenic guy. In fact in his picture he looks like the bog man mixed with a mentally retarded ugly guy. See below.
As you can see, Suter is clearly a relative of Homo Nocturnis, the common swamp-man. His protuberant forehead, his sunken eyes, and his clear lack of any sentient thought show him to be the missing link between ape and larger ape. Clearly, the swamp-men lack the necassary ability to think to be considered "human".

Spay or Neuter your Suter Today!

School of High Magic

My last post indicated that I was intending on roleplaying in the school of high magic. Turns out that site is very inactive and I feel I've waited long enough. Mao Jian Nu no longer wants to go there. Congradulations Role Playing society. Your boring waiting lines have made me no longer care.